Are You Helpful?
There’s a difference between sharing opinions and being overly critical. It’s easy to sit in judgment of others. Be well informed before giving your opinion.
Opinions can be shared to help, not harm. Being the expert in someone’s life is a dangerous responsibility. Once you get into “They should say and do this and that,” then you should be able to predict and deter them in harmful acts. Are you ready to be the expert of all people’s thoughts and actions, or do you think you want to try being the expert in your own life?
Learn MoreReady?
Learn MoreYou’re doing it again, aren’t you? They are so pleased to see you. You make everyone feel better. You’re the team player who lets everyone shine. Everyone comes to you to solve the problem and to be available and, for the most part, you always achieve that goal. That twinkle in your eye and that pep in your step lets everyone know that you’ve got it right; you’re a winner and such a nice person. Is this you? Is it happening again? Do you get those messages in your head that build you up and lets you know that you must always be there for others? Forget that you’re tired, forget that you haven’t done anything for yourself in so long. You are the master of everyone’s universe. You don’t give to receive. It is your role at work, at home, with friends to never get what you want.
Being a Sloth and Loving it!
In my opinion, slothfulness gets a bad rep. It’s the name of an animal that moves kind of slothfully and is defined by humans as laziness that ranges on the scale from resisting work to practicing a deadly sin. However, it’s defined, that sloth is not a pleasing characteristic.
But, I would like to argue that the state and art of sloth have its appropriate place in society.
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Happy Spring?
In a little under 9 hours from now, Spring is expected to arrive. The Farmer’s Almanac may believe this to be true; the picture outside paints a different picture. It’s snowing on the First Day of Spring. Plans are foiled again.
That’s life, right? Wake up in the morning with success on the mind. Set new goals: finally going to attack the ever-growing to-do list and mark today as the day to rejuvenate an exercise and healthy eating plan. Then, things go wrong. So much time is spent daydreaming about intended success that the day is started in a rush. The bad mood enters and they view the world with dread instead of anticipation. With all of these barriers in mind, thoughts direct to “Maybe tomorrow” and this wintry weather in Spring sums up life, “Things never go my way.”
Let’s take a lesson from Mother Nature, shall we? We control very little in this world. There’s always a tragedy somewhere, there are always barriers in your life. Certainly how you perceive and address the barriers is what matters. Accept your “powerlessness” and embrace your possibilities. What can you do now to strengthen yourself? What can you do now to address those goals? What can you do now to go from daydreaming to achieving?
What can YOU do? Happy Spring!
Learn MoreDissapointment
“You’re disappointing me.”
“You’re such a disappointment.”
“This is disappointing.”
“I can’t get over the disappointment.”
“I’m so disappointed.”
In this business, I am faced with varying degrees of disappointment that can be presented as a noun, verb or adjective. Whatever the context, disappointment is a strong force that can shape your perspective of self and others and your relationships.
There’s plenty of research on the core and consequences of disappointment and while research informs me in knowledge, my clients are more interested in what to do about it; how to stop being disappointed.
First, see people for who they are and not who you imagine they should or could be. Stay in the present.
Second, try to separate your emotion from what’s really happening. Be realistic in your expectations. Understand that people “show up” for you in their way.
Third, remind yourself to communicate before, during and after disappointment. Ineffective communication is shutting down to teach people a lesson. Since you’re not telling them that you are shutting down to teach them a lesson, they won’t know that is the lesson they should be learning.
Lastly, cry, complain and consider. Cry to process your sadness; tears have a way of explaining the unexplainable. Complain to give yourself an opportunity to reexamine what happened, not just how you feel. Consider what you could have done differently, what you will do differently next time, how you will communicate your needs in the future and what will be the roles of people in your life.
Learn MorePrince: My First Introduction to Social Consciousness, Part I
Summer reminds me of good music and as a delicious start of this week, his Royal Badness had another birthday. Prince Rogers Nelson. Had FanGirl stuff been popular back then, I would have been the official Prince FanGirl, but maybe not since I once read that Prince doesn’t like fans because it stands for fanatic. (He’s so amazingly and wonderfully complicated! ) Sorry Prince, I have been and will always be fanatic over what you represent to me.
The magical joy of getting an album, taking the disk out of the paper or plastic sleeve and putting it on the record player, then listening to new music over and over again while staring at the album cover. His soul seemed to seep in and the lyrics played like a movie. The scenery is set and there is bated breath waiting for the crescendo and denouement.
He has many songs that eventually help shape my social views. Prince has become one of my reasons for becoming a social worker.
Learn MoreWhen the Music Dies: Going On
According to Biography.com, The Day the Music Died was on February 3, 1959.
“Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and J.P. “The Big Bopper” Richardson and their pilot Roger Peterson died in a plane crash, a tragedy that has been remembered as “The Day the Music Died.”
As a documentary fan, I’ve heard that saying before and could relate since over the past few years, I worried about music dying for me. I saw him elegantly aging; noticing the heels were replaced with soft sole shoes and the extra sexy curled hair or slicked short cut was changed back to a beautiful natural. Man, I knew this would come but my thought was “Please hold on. I have so much more I need.”
April 21, 2016
Learn MoreNew Year, New Perspective?
In my professional and personal opinion, New Year Resolutions stink. What does one resolve, anyway? I know I won’t gain any new age, spiritually balanced friends when I poo-poo the desire to awaken the inner me by striving to reach new heights through carefully constructed goals usually listed in some downloaded app.
In my experience, my resolutions are my rehashed and tweaked attempts at having a New Life and call it, Me 2.0. Here’s my secret: after 22 1/2 or so attempts, I haven’t met Me 2.0. I’m still in my original packaging. On January 1, I’m determined to dress this package in pretty bows, but by by mid February, the bows wilt and I start my journey of self acceptance (read: the lies I tell myself to justify giving up my goals).
What’s going to be new this year? Instead of action plans and buddy systems, I’m going to try my hand at CONSISTENCY and OWNERSHIP. I think that’s really at the center of what makes my goal a success or failure. Consistently own that I have things I would like to address and regardless if it’s a new year, new month or new day, I have to consistently own and grow from what I SAY is important to I MUST DO what is important.
Learn MoreDepression
I’ve struggled for weeks trying to type the right message to post about depression. I feared being too clinical, too preachy or too whimsical. This deeply personal video perfectly conveys the symptoms and struggles of depression. You may become slightly uncomfortable at 12:46; please hang in there. The insight is too important to miss.
Wishing you Peace and Prosperity.
Learn MoreShow Yourself
Scrolling through my Notes app deleting unwanted listings, I came across this : “What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” I had NO IDEA where it came from or why I wrote it. I conducted a quick Google search and two blog authors have used the title, Jennifer Barley and Melissa Matthewson. Forgive me. I didn’t read the posts because I had this idea came to my mind and I didn’t want to lose my thoughts.
Vulnerability leads to beauty. It’s like the fragility of a rose; it’s vulnerability to harsh touch makes it beautiful. Roses require a gentle touch. Vulnerability and a gentle touch is required in truly, deeply respectful relationships. We need to show our fragility to our loved one to make beauty rise. When we are harsh with words, deed and lack of understanding, we erode the gloss from each other causing the other person to grow harsh in their words, deeds and understanding.
Be brave, shine through and create roses for each other.
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