Are You Helpful?
There’s a difference between sharing opinions and being overly critical. It’s easy to sit in judgment of others. Be well informed before giving your opinion.
Opinions can be shared to help, not harm. Being the expert in someone’s life is a dangerous responsibility. Once you get into “They should say and do this and that,” then you should be able to predict and deter them in harmful acts. Are you ready to be the expert of all people’s thoughts and actions, or do you think you want to try being the expert in your own life?Learn More
“You’re disappointing me.”
“You’re such a disappointment.”
“This is disappointing.”
“I can’t get over the disappointment.”
“I’m so disappointed.”
In this business, I am faced with varying degrees of disappointment that can be presented as a noun, verb or adjective. Whatever the context, disappointment is a strong force that can shape your perspective of self and others and your relationships.
There’s plenty of research on the core and consequences of disappointment and while research informs me in knowledge, my clients are more interested in what to do about it; how to stop being disappointed.
First, see people for who they are and not who you imagine they should or could be. Stay in the present.
Second, try to separate your emotion from what’s really happening. Be realistic in your expectations. Understand that people “show up” for you in their way.
Third, remind yourself to communicate before, during and after disappointment. Ineffective communication is shutting down to teach people a lesson. Since you’re not telling them that you are shutting down to teach them a lesson, they won’t know that is the lesson they should be learning.
Lastly, cry, complain and consider. Cry to process your sadness; tears have a way of explaining the unexplainable. Complain to give yourself an opportunity to reexamine what happened, not just how you feel. Consider what you could have done differently, what you will do differently next time, how you will communicate your needs in the future and what will be the roles of people in your life.Learn More
Scrolling through my Notes app deleting unwanted listings, I came across this : “What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.” I had NO IDEA where it came from or why I wrote it. I conducted a quick Google search and two blog authors have used the title, Jennifer Barley and Melissa Matthewson. Forgive me. I didn’t read the posts because I had this idea came to my mind and I didn’t want to lose my thoughts.
Vulnerability leads to beauty. It’s like the fragility of a rose; it’s vulnerability to harsh touch makes it beautiful. Roses require a gentle touch. Vulnerability and a gentle touch is required in truly, deeply respectful relationships. We need to show our fragility to our loved one to make beauty rise. When we are harsh with words, deed and lack of understanding, we erode the gloss from each other causing the other person to grow harsh in their words, deeds and understanding.
Be brave, shine through and create roses for each other.Learn More
Give it a Try
Pretend it’s the day after Labor Day, okay? The time of year that always excites me.
The crisp air on the walk to the first day of school. It could be hotter than the fourth of July, but for some reason when school started, the air released its humidity and instead of a hurried, stifling rush, the walk turned into a saunter. The night before would bring those nervous butterflies filled with anticipation and excitement and unanswered questions that the following school months would answer. Who am I? Will I pass? Will I make new friends? Will people like me? What time is lunch?
Times have changed and numerous schools open the week before Labor Day. Times have changed to change the date, but the butterflies and questions somewhat remain the same. Who am I? Do I feel successful in the way I define success? Am I taking care of myself? How will I stay connected with my friends and colleagues? Am I doing my best? And the final question on the list – When will I eat lunch?Learn More
Love versus Respect
Why do some relationships succeed and others fail? Is it Love? Does Love conquer all? Love can see it through and make it all better?
Love is a much needed element but the type of love and the willingness to give love can be the difference in having concrete or straw as the foundation in a relationship. While love feels amazing and inspiring, it often feels more like a verb – it has movement, depth and intensity that is weighted by the giver and receiver. It is an emotion that can be manipulated based on circumstances.
Relationships need Love and Respect and Respect trumps Love, every time.
Respect is as deep and as abiding as Love and runs even deeper like stronger roots twisting intensively down into the earth. Impenetrable. It is a noun – a present and ever-changing thing. A tree is a tree regardless of the on-looker’s feelings about the tree.