Being a Sloth and Loving it!
In my opinion, slothfulness gets a bad rep. It’s the name of an animal that moves kind of slothfully and is defined by humans as laziness that ranges on the scale from resisting work to practicing a deadly sin. However, it’s defined, that sloth is not a pleasing characteristic.
But, I would like to argue that the state and art of sloth have its appropriate place in society.
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Happy Spring?
In a little under 9 hours from now, Spring is expected to arrive. The Farmer’s Almanac may believe this to be true; the picture outside paints a different picture. It’s snowing on the First Day of Spring. Plans are foiled again.
That’s life, right? Wake up in the morning with success on the mind. Set new goals: finally going to attack the ever-growing to-do list and mark today as the day to rejuvenate an exercise and healthy eating plan. Then, things go wrong. So much time is spent daydreaming about intended success that the day is started in a rush. The bad mood enters and they view the world with dread instead of anticipation. With all of these barriers in mind, thoughts direct to “Maybe tomorrow” and this wintry weather in Spring sums up life, “Things never go my way.”
Let’s take a lesson from Mother Nature, shall we? We control very little in this world. There’s always a tragedy somewhere, there are always barriers in your life. Certainly how you perceive and address the barriers is what matters. Accept your “powerlessness” and embrace your possibilities. What can you do now to strengthen yourself? What can you do now to address those goals? What can you do now to go from daydreaming to achieving?
What can YOU do? Happy Spring!
Learn MoreDissapointment
“You’re disappointing me.”
“You’re such a disappointment.”
“This is disappointing.”
“I can’t get over the disappointment.”
“I’m so disappointed.”
In this business, I am faced with varying degrees of disappointment that can be presented as a noun, verb or adjective. Whatever the context, disappointment is a strong force that can shape your perspective of self and others and your relationships.
There’s plenty of research on the core and consequences of disappointment and while research informs me in knowledge, my clients are more interested in what to do about it; how to stop being disappointed.
First, see people for who they are and not who you imagine they should or could be. Stay in the present.
Second, try to separate your emotion from what’s really happening. Be realistic in your expectations. Understand that people “show up” for you in their way.
Third, remind yourself to communicate before, during and after disappointment. Ineffective communication is shutting down to teach people a lesson. Since you’re not telling them that you are shutting down to teach them a lesson, they won’t know that is the lesson they should be learning.
Lastly, cry, complain and consider. Cry to process your sadness; tears have a way of explaining the unexplainable. Complain to give yourself an opportunity to reexamine what happened, not just how you feel. Consider what you could have done differently, what you will do differently next time, how you will communicate your needs in the future and what will be the roles of people in your life.
Learn MoreWhen the Music Dies: Going On
According to Biography.com, The Day the Music Died was on February 3, 1959.
“Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens and J.P. “The Big Bopper” Richardson and their pilot Roger Peterson died in a plane crash, a tragedy that has been remembered as “The Day the Music Died.”
As a documentary fan, I’ve heard that saying before and could relate since over the past few years, I worried about music dying for me. I saw him elegantly aging; noticing the heels were replaced with soft sole shoes and the extra sexy curled hair or slicked short cut was changed back to a beautiful natural. Man, I knew this would come but my thought was “Please hold on. I have so much more I need.”
April 21, 2016
Learn MoreDepression
I’ve struggled for weeks trying to type the right message to post about depression. I feared being too clinical, too preachy or too whimsical. This deeply personal video perfectly conveys the symptoms and struggles of depression. You may become slightly uncomfortable at 12:46; please hang in there. The insight is too important to miss.
Wishing you Peace and Prosperity.
Learn MoreLove versus Respect
Why do some relationships succeed and others fail? Is it Love? Does Love conquer all? Love can see it through and make it all better?
Love is a much needed element but the type of love and the willingness to give love can be the difference in having concrete or straw as the foundation in a relationship. While love feels amazing and inspiring, it often feels more like a verb – it has movement, depth and intensity that is weighted by the giver and receiver. It is an emotion that can be manipulated based on circumstances.
Relationships need Love and Respect and Respect trumps Love, every time.
Respect is as deep and as abiding as Love and runs even deeper like stronger roots twisting intensively down into the earth. Impenetrable. It is a noun – a present and ever-changing thing. A tree is a tree regardless of the on-looker’s feelings about the tree.
Funerals are for the Living
One of my most treasured relatives tells me that funerals are for the living. Funerals are for a time to remember and support and a way of showing the living that there is a reason to live. Depending on your religious or non-religious affiliation, there is an after-life or the body just ceases to exist; either way, the departed has moved on. The living is left with struggle, disappointment, pain, hurt, surprise, despair and sometimes eventually peace.
Given the news of Robin Williams’s death, it would make sense for me to use this space as an homage to all of the celebrities and “notables” who were tortured souls dealing with mental illness and/or substance abuse. I could talk about all of the talent, the feelings of inadequacy some of them may have felt, masking pain and living out-of-step with healthy mental well-being. But, I will leave that to all of the experts and all of the newsanchors who “are trying to make sense of it all.”
Instead, I’d like to focus on the suffering souls of the loved ones who suffer with the tortured. Those who stay up all night with worry, those who wonder if today is the day my loved one will truly self-destruct, those who feel inadequate because their love isn’t enough.
What I have to say to you is simply, do your best and STILL take care of yourself. Deal with your own sadness and anxiety by reaching out to people outside of the tortured soul.
Many years ago, I read The Suicidal Mind by Edwin S. Shneidman and the book echoed what I had been trained to know about the folks in pain. Folks in despair own it and vacuous depths of their pain is often held in secret. My job is to try to show alternatives, give support and resources and ultimately use and believe in hope when the tortured can’t see any signs of hope. Ultimately what I know is that their pain is not about me which gives me the freedom to know that I am a stop on the journey; I am not solely responsible for the journey.
This is my hope for those living in torture, with the tortured. Share your love and compassion everyday, keep hope in your heart, appreciate being part of and not responsible for their journey and take care of your sadness by finding support for you.
If you know of someone in need or you need professional support, contact your insurance company for mental health providers in your area, contact the National Alliance for Mental Illness for resources and support groups, ask your primary care physician for resources, and step up your courage to ask to friends and associates for suggestions on where to go for help. I know people fear stigma, but that is coming from a place of shame and when used negatively, shame can only breed more pain.
Learn MoreFunerals are for the Living
One of my most treasured relatives tells me that funerals are for the living. Funerals are for a time to remember and support and a way of showing the living that there is a reason to live. Depending on your religious or non-religious affiliation, there is an after-life or the body just ceases to exist; either way, the departed has moved on. The living is left with struggle, disappointment, pain, hurt, surprise, despair and sometimes eventually peace.
Given the news of Robin Williams’s death, it would make sense for me to use this space as an homage to all of the celebrities and “notables” who were tortured souls dealing with mental illness and/or substance abuse. I could talk about all of the talent, the feelings of inadequacy some of them may have felt, masking pain and living out-of-step with healthy mental well-being. But, I will leave that to all of the experts and all of the newsanchors who “are trying to make sense of it all.”
Instead, I’d like to focus on the suffering souls of the loved ones who suffer with the tortured. Those who stay up all night with worry, those who wonder if today is the day my loved one will truly self-destruct, those who feel inadequate because their love isn’t enough.
What I have to say to you is simply, do your best and STILL take care of yourself. Deal with your own sadness and anxiety by reaching out to people outside of the tortured soul.
Many years ago, I read The Suicidal Mind by Edwin S. Shneidman and the book echoed what I had been trained to know about the folks in pain. Folks in despair own it and vacuous depths of their pain is often held in secret. My job is to try to show alternatives, give support and resources and ultimately use and believe in hope when the tortured can’t see any signs of hope. Ultimately what I know is that their pain is not about me which gives me the freedom to know that I am a stop on the journey; I am not solely responsible for the journey.
This is my hope for those living in torture, with the tortured. Share your love and compassion everyday, keep hope in your heart, appreciate being part of and not responsible for their journey and take care of your sadness by finding support for you.
If you know of someone in need or you need professional support, contact your insurance company for mental health providers in your area, contact the National Alliance for Mental Illness for resources and support groups, ask your primary care physician for resources, and step up your courage to ask to friends and associates for suggestions on where to go for help. I know people fear stigma, but that is coming from a place of shame and when used negatively, shame can only breed more pain.
Learn MoreSoundtracks and Wind Machines
There have been days I step out of my house looking so good and smelling so fresh “I’m about to call the paparazzi on myself!” (Big thanks to Jay-Z for that line). On those days, I have my favorite songs playing in my head and I am strutting down the cement walkway like it’s a red carpet and a wind machine is blowing my hair.
Then I get stuck in traffic or realize after all this prancing, I’m running late or forget to get my lunch or remember my calendar is filled and I won’t get home until after 9pm despite starting the day at 5:45am.
The soundtrack screeches to a halt. The wind machine stops blowing. I trip on the broken pavement.
Throughout my day, I go through the usual routine and attempt to dredge up better spirits. Despite my best effort, sometimes it seems I can’t get energized and I realize I just need to get through the day and wait for 10:30pm to crawl into bed and hope the next day is better.
However, there are other days when I look in the mirror and say, “Come on now. Pull it together!” I reflect on ways I could have taken better care of myself and perhaps planned a little better. I tell myself, “Alright, this day sucks” and sometimes saying it out loud is freeing. It allows my mood to separate from what’s happening. Crappy events don’t necessarily mean one must have a crappy mood.
I remain open to the chance of lifting my spirits by having a pleasant conversation with someone, reading something funny and having a good belly laugh. These things help me to remember my fabulousness and I sing my favorite songs to an audience of me and begin prancing. The red carpet rolls out and I feel the wind in my hair.
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